Saturday, February 1, 2014

Forgiving and Forgetting

It's very easy to own our mistakes and be sorry for it. It costs only a fraction of pride to actually stand up and apologize. But when we do something wrong to others and even to ourselves, it involves two different process. To forgive, and to forget.

Quite a number would say that we can forgive, but we cannot forget. But I think it is imperative that we do both. Fulfilling just one of the two makes the process of healing, incomplete. We can forgive, but we are always haunted by fear that the same mistake can happen against us again, and so we cannot defy being self-securing. That is why forgetting is necessary.

The most challenging part is that both processes are non self-induced. Forgiveness is something that is asked from us, whilst we can forgive without the others asking for it, the holistic concept of forgiveness is knowing one's fault and having the courage to admit it by asking pardon. And so we need to wait until one actually asks for it, we cannot give what isn't asked. That is very fundamental.

But when we have already asked for forgiveness, who triggers forgetting? Is it he who have sinned or he who had been sinned? I say both. 

Asking for forgiveness is easy, or maybe not for others who deem self-valor important of one's identity. But forgiveness need only be uttered by the words 'I am sorry'. Forgetting about it is an entirely different story. To forget, one needs to understand what we are sorry for and what our mistakes have caused. To forget, we need to understand that it is our dire responsibility to burn it in the past, asking for forgiveness would really not suffice. What do we need to do is to leverage from what or how they see us due to our wrong-doings and overcome their expectations by helping them rebuild the confidence they had for us. We do not ask for forgiveness and expect things to be forgotten paramountly, we make it happen. We acknowledge our shortcomings and we show improvements on this part, even the little things like the smallest gesture have tremendous waves of change. 

If we had sinned, we take significant actions to make things better. That is one step to make things worth forgetting. We manage their perception on us by showing that we are better than what we have shown ourselves to be. And so everything becomes just a part of a past with lessons that are more important than the effects. We do not expect them to forget it by their own selves simply because we already initiated apology. 

Forgiving  and forgetting does need to be grand, nor does it require to be self-degrading to prove how truly sorry we are. One thing though is essential, courage. The courage to gain peace and to lose pride. 

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